pandemic – Katie Aguilera

No question about it, coronavirus has left me feeling like this is my writing career…

Way back in January, I had hopes of publishing my first novel in time for the summer reading season. Even before the pandemic-shutdown-of-everything in March, I was behind on that schedule and struggling with editing The Compass Code, for various reasons. After the pandemic-shutdown, it felt like everything came to a screeching halt and was suspended in uncertainty. Including my ability to focus and create.

After a few months, I was ready to give up on the train wreck. Ready to take the easy way out…

novel burning — Image courtesy of Pixabay

I stopped thinking about it. Stopped thinking about characters and plot lines, back stories and threads that need tying up. Mostly. Well, I mean, I tried, anyway. But these people I created and have spent so much time playing make believe with just won’t go quietly away into oblivion.

I could burn the papers that hold the words that are their lives, but that won’t sear them, or their stories, from my mind. I made them, I’m stuck with them. At least until I can unleash them all on you, dear readers.

So, over the past few days, the irresistible urge has finally boiled over and I’ve sat back down with my laptop and my notebooks and all the words I’ve been neglecting. I can no longer evade the work using the excuse that I’m just doing my best to get through this pandemic-shutdown-of-everything.

It’s nearly August. COVID-19 cases are on the rise again and it looks increasingly unlikely schools will reopen in September. My life isn’t going back to the old normal anytime soon. I’ve got to adapt and carve out time from this hectic new normal in order get this train back on track.

There’s no question, it feels good to reunite with my imaginary friends.

I was feeling uninspired and frustrated with writing weeks before coronavirus took over the world. It was bad. It’s a whole lot worse now. It’s even a struggle to focus on reading anything but the news. Creativity has been cancelled for now and I’m not going to try to fight it.

This pandemic and the resulting shutdown of almost everything has left me on a roller coaster of emotions. I’m sure many can relate. Anxiety, stress, frustration, fear…it took me awhile to recognize that underlying it all is a simmering grief.

Many have lost lives and loved ones. Many have lost their livelihoods. Many, like me, have found that our ability to create is paralyzed. We have all lost normalcy for the time being, and it may never go back to exactly what it was before this.

It’s okay to grieve.

With the absence of creativity, I’ve found relief in accomplishing physical tasks. Tackling projects that have been put off for far too long. We’re rebuilding our chicken pen, building new raised beds for gardening, and renewing old raised beds that have sat empty for years.

I’m teaching the kids to sew by making cloth masks to give away. We’re diving into schooling at home, together with our incredible teachers who have moved mountains to figure out how to make this distance learning work.

We’re getting through this, one task at a time. As we adapt and settle into our new routine, I’m sure I’ll find some time to focus on my work again. It’s spring, the season of new growth, and I have no doubt inspiration will sprout anew. Creativity may be cancelled for now, but it always finds a way through adversity.